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| Teens in stress | | | Dr. Pragya Khanna | 1/9/2012 11:35:27 PM |
| In today's competitive world complaints about stress in lives is not restricted to only the adult population but the younger lot has its equal share. While a number of odd errands like strident kids, spousal misunderstandings, family responsibilities, blaring alarm clocks, deadlines approaching, traffic chaos, interruptions, phones ringing, arriving late to a meeting, bad news, bills needing to be paid, health problems, computer crashes, household chores, taxes etc. etc. keep you stressed out and at the end of the day it becomes difficult to comprehend the stress in a school going child who according to us seems to be having a comfortable life.
"My daughter appears angry and irritated most of the time", says Suman, a worried mom. "I often don't know what makes her angry, otherwise she does well in school, she's busy and successful in her many activities….I think she lives a charmed life! So why do I feel sometimes that something is wrong with my child".
Though some stressors are environmental, others are developmental; while some wreak havoc over long periods others are just passing irritations. The teenagers' complaints about stress today go way beyond tomorrow's math test or their next debate competition. Symptoms of teenage depression include: depressed or irritable mood decreased interest or pleasure in activities change in appetite or weight sleeping more or less than usual fatigue or loss of energy feelings of guilt or worthlessness decreased concentration and in some extreme cases it may lead to drug abuse and recurrent thoughts of death or suicide What are the major sources of stress for teens? Let's have a look at some key issues:
Societal problems and peer relationships: The teenagers spend a great amount of energy in their peer relationships, and their self-esteem is often connected to their interactions in their peer group. "Can I go to Aparna's house?" "Can I go to the mall with Shelley?" "Can I study with Neha and Sarah?" are everyday queries. Loneliness and seclusion result in stress levels, as does the fear of being left out, which is one of a teenager's greatest fears. When a youngster gets a 'No' for every request it results in a depressed and irritable behavior. While it is important for the parents to have necessary knowledge about the child's friends and how often he/she is permitted their company it is equally important to see that he/she doesn't feel any kind of boredom or isolation. Moreover, a good home life can increase the chances that kids will keep away from many of the pitfalls of adolescence. Parents should demonstrate a kind, affectionate, strong relationship with children and reveal admiration and concern in their activities.
Strain to excel at school: While for some kids, success is an assignment and an excitement, still others when they are forced at it and compared with others, they can drive themselves to such a degree that stress replaces pleasure in learning and achieving. 16-year-old Uday failed in Maths for the second time. Though his father had gone through this struggle before he knew that his son is fully capable of passing this subject ("he has the aptitude, but lacks the attitude" says Mr. Verma). So, he began a process of methodically analyzing how Uday spends his time, helped him complete lists of homework and study assignments, checked daily to see his homework is finished, asked for weekly progress reports, and spoke to the teacher every other week to make sure the child is on track, with passing grades. Needless to say he did all this without any nagging, scolding and admonishment. Parents must teach their kids from the beginning that the challenges when conquered sweeten success, and while failure is in part inevitable, no one can know how the balance of success and failure measures out until the journey is complete. As long as the journey continues, there is hope: a chance to turn failures into success, weaknesses to strengths. Teens have their individuality and like to make important personal decisions: "I will decide who will be my friends?" "He doesn't reflect my interests?" "I like watching TV?" "I don't like to wear this"? These developmentally pertinent questions can be immense stress-inducers to tackle. Instead of criticizing the children try to pick up a piece of your child's conversation. Share your thoughts. Share what you are thinking with your child in a friendly manner and win his confidence. This would help them cultivate a bond with you and you can happily watch your sons and daughters grow in independence, yet make right decisions and develop into young adults. Being judged 'good enough': In their competitive worlds, sometimes it is difficult for a child to cope. "Will I make the team?" "Will I get selected in the play?" "Will I get good scores"? As parents offer coaching and support, they should at the same time engage and encourage them in coming up with solutions to their ordinary anxieties themselves. Kids often have ideas about this, and by actively engaging them in the problem-solving process, you are teaching them to develop a sense of self-consciousness and self-responsiveness. As kids become more self-aware, they will see strategies materialize and develop; these will grow into important skills that will help them to deal with stress as they grow. In an effort to help teens become self-regulating, parents need to gradually behave more like coaches, rather than problem-solvers on the teens' behalf. Parents play a fundamental role in building the future of their children because children spend more time with their parents than with any other adult and have a deeper association with them, and the family as a unit has lifelong contact with its members. Parents can organize many of the contacts a child has with society as well as society's contacts with the child. If adolescence can be conceptualized as a journey from childhood to adulthood, parenting adolescents can also be thought of as a journey. Try to make it blissful! |
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