Vijay Garg
In a not-so-distant past, families across many cultures followed an unspoken rhythm: parents reared children, who then looked after their parents as they aged. The idea of “parental care” was an extension of everyday life rather than a set arrangement. Every celebration, meal, and bedtime tale included the grandparents, who were an integral part of the family.
This rhythm is stuttering today. Elderly parents are more likely than ever to live alone in cities and towns across the world, particularly in urban areas. The way society interacts with its elders has changed as a result of the rise in nuclear families, the lure of careers in far-off cities or nations, and the mounting demands of contemporary life. For many, interaction with parents has been reduced to brief phone calls or yearly visits, creating a void that technology cannot fully address.
The number of elderly people is rapidly increasing in India, as in many other countries. More than one-fifth of older adults in India now live alone or exclusively with their spouse, as per the Longitudinal Ageing Study in India. Even though life expectancy has increased due to medical advancements, elderly people’s emotional and social well-being is frequently disregarded. Experts caution that loneliness can be just as damaging to health as chronic diseases. It raises the risk of depression, damages sleep and erodes immunity.
As embodied in the proverb Mata, Pita, Guru, Deivam, reverence for elders has long been a fundamental aspect of Indian culture. Parents are positioned at the centre of the hierarchy of many cultures’ proverbs. However, instead of regular care, this respect is now shown in many homes through ceremonial gestures. While touching feet on festivals or sending flowers on birthdays may be considerate, they cannot replace ongoing participation and presence. Parents who once waited up for their children late into the night now wait for their calls. Ironically, in the time of instant communication, developing a deep connection has become harder. Video calls and messages exist, but often feel rushed or perfunctory.
Meaningful care today requires conscious effort. In the past, care happened organically because families lived together. Now, it has to be on purpose. Ten minutes of focused conversation, without the distraction of screens, can be better than hours spent together without talking. One of the defining challenges in parental care is the reversal of roles. Children become caregivers, guiding decisions about health, finances, and sometimes living arrangements. This transition, while necessary, if handled with sensitivity, can preserve the dignity and independence of parents. Collaborative decision-making, though perhaps difficult at times, helps. Instead of dictating choices, framing them as shared discussions ensures that parents remain active participants in their own lives. The language of care matters: “Shall we go to this doctor?” communicates respect more than “You must see this doctor.”
Not all children can live close to their parents, but distance need not mean detachment. Caring from afar requires a blend of emotional and practical support. Regular, meaningful communication matters — asking about their day, discussing their hobbies, and their memories. Health coordination is important, with digital records of medical reports and arrangements for reliable local support in emergencies. Small adjustments like good lighting, grab rails, and non-slip flooring can make homes safer. Shared activities — reading the same book, watching a programme together over a call, or exchanging recipes — create moments that keep bonds alive.
Isolation deepens the challenges of ageing, and social interaction is vital for mental and emotional health. Encouraging parents to attend community events, join interest-based groups, or stay connected with friends can help. For those comfortable with technology, online forums and hobby classes open new avenues for engagement. The benefits are twofold: active minds remain sharper, and a stronger social network reduces dependency on family for every need, easing emotional strain on both sides. In smaller towns and rural areas, elders are more likely to live close to the family, but face other difficulties — limited healthcare access, physical labour demands, and fewer recreational opportunities. In cities worldwide, they may have better facilities but suffer from emotional isolation. Bridging this gap requires both policy attention and family commitment. In some countries, legal frameworks exist to protect the rights and well-being of senior citizens, but laws alone cannot replace the warmth of human connection.
The care given to ageing parents is not just a personal responsibility; it is a social investment. When elders feel valued, they remain active contributors to their families and communities. Their stories, skills, and wisdom enrich the younger generation, grounding them in values that outlast material inheritance. Moreover, children learn by example. The way adults treat their parents sets the template for how they themselves may be treated in later years.
India’s rapid modernisation need not come at the cost of its traditions of familial closeness. Caring for parents does not mean clinging to outdated structures; it means adapting timeless values to contemporary realities. Flexible work arrangements, intergenerational living spaces, and community support systems can all play a role. The goal is not to recreate the past, but to ensure that in the race forward, society does not abandon the very people who made that journey possible.
Elders are not simply dependents; they are living histories. Their presence is a reminder of resilience, sacrifice, and unconditional love. Parental care is not repayment of a debt, for no repayment can equal a lifetime of nurturing. It is an honouring of roots in the final chapters of their lives. The call is simple: visit more often, listen more deeply, involve them in decisions, and make them feel heard and seen.
A culture is measured not by its tallest buildings or fastest technologies, but by how it treats those who have walked the path before. In the words of an old proverb, “When an old person dies, a library burns to the ground.” Societies must ensure their libraries remain intact — not gathering dust and solitude, but being read, valued, and celebrated until the very last page.
Vijay Garg Retired Principal Educational columnist Eminent Educationist street kour Chand MHR Malout Punjab |
